Tag Archives: wit

Wisdom, Vol. IV: The theft of Ambrose Bierce-isms walks among us


PORTSMOUTH, Va. – Another batch of emulations of entries in The Devil’s Dictionary.

This was my main writing exercise last night, when I had a block of time to do a few of them. I like this exercise a lot. It makes me think about what words mean, what they mean in different contexts, and what they don’t mean.

The cynicism of these aside, there’s also generally a pattern to what Bierce did and what I try to do when I write these. Not quite a formula. Anyway.

Feel free to add entries to the comments either below or at this permanent link, where older entries have been placed. Nobody’s taken me up on that, but perhaps offering what nobody wants is the sort of against the grain thinking Bierce might have liked.

achievement  A statement of adequacy most notable for prolonging the use of paper.

annexation  A means of keeping one’s rivals close.

attraction  In the fields of entertainment and matrimony, the power that ultimately results in butts in seats.

bard  A singer of  the traditional art, compliance.

base  The center of man, largely comprised of the digestive organs and resultant substances.

beggar  A friend, indeed.

borrower  A generous soul who invest in others.

commentator  An ass trained to emit the usual sounds at a greater volume.

confidence man  A mathematician who teaches other men their value.

essay  A thesis in so many words.

graft  A most dependable oiler deployed as a support to the flotilla of commerce.

grift  The most common transaction in a bull market.

hiccup  An echo of swallowed resolve.

homily  The dust that comes off when old words are shaken.

innocence  In the American justice system, one maintains this until they are proven.

mustache  An ingenious device that can be grown by its wearer to catch mucus when the skull becomes full.

proponent  The principal heir to a disputed outcome.

reverence  A silent demonstration that allows one’s dream to displace another’s sense.

salute  A sign of respect shown to the superior officer and an acknowledgement that another is wearing his hat.

sentence  At best, a means of doing justice to men and words.

suspicion  The most potent spell cast by reason.

theft  The highest form of flattery.

versatility  The ability to have a hand in multiple pockets.

vote  In America, by a certain age, each man or woman is entrusted with multiples of one; sadly, this was not always the case.

wallet  Where scruples of varying denominations are corralled.

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