PORTSMOUTH, Va. – With apologies to Ambrose Bierce, here is one of my favorite exercises — attempts to emulate entries in The Devil’s Dictionary. Feel free to add entries to the comments either below or at this permanent link. I wrote these this morning before I got to my other writing.
A
advantage What’s that behind you?
B
bargain 1. In a seller’s market, the cost of business done to the buyer. 2. In a buyer’s market, theft.
beehive Upon feeling the sting of Cupid’s arrow, that into which one inserts her hand.
C
conscience 1. A rarity discovered later. 2. The chief byproduct of scrutiny.
F
first man out Got the memo.
friends What you have when you have.
L
last man out When you come to, do get the lights.
last man standing The mathematical term denoting the relationship between three men and two chairs.
P
propaganda What he said about what I said.
R
revolution Deck chairs don’t rearrange themselves.
rhetoric 1. The use of language toward your end. 2. After Quintilian, a good man speaking well enough.
S
second man out Caught on when the first man hurdled him.
John-Henry Doucette 