Why we have the Internet, Vol. II: Disemboweled Tauntaun Edition

With George Lucas returning his Star Wars films, in 3-D, to theaters beginning next year, I’ve considered whether I should begin saving up for a ticket, rather than, let’s say, Old Dominion University tuition or food for my family.

Since I learned the first will be The Phantom Menace, I think I’m still state school-bound – in part, because I’ve found grad school as warming as the innards of an ice planet transport animal. Please click that link, and consider that this packaging come-on sounds an awful lot like sad, on-the-nose Star Wars dialogue:

Now with open belly rescue feature!

Because, you see, they redesigned it.

I suspect the problem with the The Phantom Menace is that – in addition to already being repackaged and redeployed to theaters a few short years after introducing the subatomic suck bomb of Jar Jar – it lacks the vision of improving certain tie-in toys by disemboweling them.

Still, Star Wars remains a cultural touchstone, though some of the most interesting ideas from the SW universe are not Lucas-originated. Also, they’re online. Consider what a gift it is …

To order this and deliver it unto me, S&H be damned.

To look at this whilst considering the progress of man as expressed by our arts.

To criticize this. And this. And this. Also, this. Oh, this, too.

And to pity the owner of this.

Did someone order this?

Mr. Internet keeps Star Wars interesting despite itself.

Hat tips: ThinkGeek, Awesome Internet Site, That’s Nerdalicious, Technabob, Geek.com, and the Star Wars Collector Archive

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